Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
