Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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