in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
