Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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