Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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