I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
