I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like a drive thru vagina
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
