Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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