fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
