you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
