A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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