the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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