Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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