just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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