I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
