i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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