One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
