YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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