Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did I show you my penis last night?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
