i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
