i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
