When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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