I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize