you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
