I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
