I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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