So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to calm my uterus...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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