What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
