things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
