I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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