I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
