did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
