We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
