I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
