The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
