I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it penis luge time yet?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
