remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
