You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
