and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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