i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
