i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
