Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
