I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize