Capitaan dildo arrescate!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
