things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
