Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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