**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
