i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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