well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
