There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
