I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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