I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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