im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
