Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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