i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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