Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
