using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
