Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
