did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
