I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
