i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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