he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
