ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
