Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
