ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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