1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize