My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
