i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
