Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
