Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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