ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
